Being an all around outcast- see below...

It shouldnt be a surpise that someone whose life revolved around gambling, drugs and other bad habits- and who suffers from a lack of self esteem turned out to be an outcast.  While it is true that these things didn't directly cause this they are surely part of the equation.  But isn't it true too that without these these things I would be an even bigger despair- perhaps.  It seems like wherever I go these days, I am shunned away because I have landed on the railroad and can't pay the rent.  Except for a few brief moments each day I am living in a world where whatever I do doesn't change my situation.  I have learned that there is a lot of wiggle room though remembering too that nothing is promised.

I know none of this makes sense , that there is no point, and whoever is unlucky enough to be reading this both won't understand and won't care.  I simply wish to be humble enough to say that for the record at this point I am towards the bottom and don't want to go down anymore.  I wish I could quote the bible or make a clever argument but nobody reads this anyway so I shouldn't feel too bad.  I will conclude with a short story and a bit of golf trivia.

I was having a good day on the course.  It was beautiful weather with the sun shining out on the ninth fairway tempting you to crush the ball off the tee onto the short par fours green.  After hitting a mediocore drive I reached for my pitching wedge but it wasn't there.  "Oh S**t", I said to my playing partner, I must have left my club on the last hole.  There was no one behind us so I wasnt pressured and I had time to catch my breath and plan my shot.

Suddendly from above I spot a drone flying over us and I stop before to see what its up to.  It keeps going until it's far out of sight.  So nothing happenes until I hit my approacah leaving a tricky birdie put.  The drone comes back and I miss my putt.  After seeing the drone I don't win a hole for the rest of the day.  So at the end of the match I ask my opponent of he wants to go double or nothing if I can hit the drone throwing a club at it.  He agrees and I smash the thing to pieces.  End of story.  I should say that I made this story up and it is pretty terrible but hey I tried.

Insurance agents have calculated that the chance of an avergage golfer making a hole in one is 12,500:1 while a pro is 2,500:1.  Seems a bit too unlucky to me.